Social Conventions

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about social conventions, the mandatory conversations, gestures, and actions we must perform everyday to be considered polite, accepted members of society. Many of these conventions have become automatic and are considered courteous. Not performing these conventions may have you labeled as rude or bad natured. I decided to go one day without saying anything because I had to, I did not say hello to people when I passed them unless I intended on having a conversation with them. I did not ask questions unless they were ones I would want the answer to and when others asked me questions I would answer them fully even when I knew they were only asking out of politeness. This behavior caused a lot of head turning and talk about my demeanor. Even though I still acted politely and kindly my lack of standard social convention was perceived as rudeness. I also observed how much time in a day I would have spent using those social conventions. I realized the majority of what I say, and many other people for that matter, is because I have to say it. We spend so much time saying the things we should, we lose time to say the things we really mean. Under the mask of politeness these social conventions have become the main communication between most of us and have eliminated instances of meaningful conversations with intelligent purposeful content. 

Happy V-day

Saint Valentines Day

Every year on February fourteenth without fail, I wear whatever pink/red/white outfit I have picked ahead of time to wear that day, I get out of bed with a smile, take my valentines and make my way to school. I love Valentines Day, It is one of my favorite holidays every year (excluding the Emo Year).  I have no idea why cynics hate Valentines Day, It is the one day of the year that fills me with the most hope and appreciation for those I love. Some people say it is a day to make lonely people feel bad, but no one ever told me I had to be in a relationship to enjoy the day.  You will usually tell your significant other you love quite often, but family and friends especially are often taken for granted. V-day is a day to show appreciation for them and you find out how many people you have in your life that love you, how could that be a holiday anyone hates?

            Maybe this is just my over affectionate side speaking. I tend to come on very strong and be inappropriately affectionate with people, but on Valentines Day that’s okay. I can tell virtual strangers I love them as long as it is on a card and proceeded by the phrase “Happy Valentines day”. How nice is that, nothing I say can be seen as creepy on Valentines Day, every innuendo is “cute”. It is actually impossible for anything to be inappropriate on Valentines Day. What better holiday could exist? 

Things I lost in the memories

I remember the first time I saw you smile

U had no idea that right there and then

I was falling for you all the while

As I read about adventures in the moors

your smile always in my mind

The sparkle in your eyes had opened doors

Suddenly had a new feeling

Electric, exciting, still calming and surreal

All throughout me it went reeling

Surge felt as our paths crossed

Thoughts of u lingered

Even in bed as I turned and tossed

Everything you’ve said to me

carries a hopefulness that holds

and takes me on a journey

i was addicted I must admit

to be fully honest I’m still struck

at your every word my eyes lit

you are light that still brightens

even when I feel like there’s no more

when I can’t breath and my chest tightens

with you there I know things will be okay

even in the emptiness of the dark

crying alone i holding on as I lay

the funny part? you don’t even know

that you’re the reason that when I fall

when I’ve given up and feeling low

I find the will to get up and try again

I can hold on and keep the faith

You’re the morphine that takes away the pain

Even when there’s nothing u can do

Life has put the impossible upon you

For happiness you keep dreaming

For love you never stop scheming

eventually all your dreams will come true

Mistakes

It’s funny how things turned out this way

Everything was fine just the other day

I wanted to fix me

But I just  hurt us

left you confused

Him unsure

And me miserable

It was all perfect

So why wasn’t I happy

Only want what I can’t have

And what I can’t have wants me

We get in our own way

When we let anyone in

Is it possible we’re meant

to be together

Or with noone at all?

A

That's what we're gonna call them. There's no reason in particular, I would say it's for privacy reasons but that would be a lie. A is basically the person in this world I most favor. I do love my family and friends but A is the one person I picked that I love above all else, the one I could not do without. I chose to write about A party because I was just A, but also because you will be hearing a lot about them. Because A is so close to my heart I will mention A often, so no better time than the present to tell you about A. We met three years ago and were instant soul-mates. We spend most of our time fighting and trying to disprove each other, but that's what makes A the only person I can never get bored of. I have a personality that makes me sort of fickle when it comes to relationships, I can forget one and move to the next without a second thought. I don't exactly get bored, I just need new excitement. I sometimes forget the old one even exists, Not purposefully of course, I just forget easily and I am attracted by anything new really. With A this is never a problem because I couldn't imagine my life without A, I can never forget A. Basically A is the only one in my life I cannot let go of, which means we're stuck together. Hopefully forever.

"We live in a first world Country"

Today was my first day of New Life, or as the guidance counsellor would say "second semester". In High school every five months you begin a new cycle of life that includes new classes, new activities and new friends. This is a cycle that repeats itself throughout a high school career, yet whenever it comes, it is unexpected. New years in school always come with change and this is expected, therefore easy to adjust. On the contrary when New Life occurs, we are hit suddenly be an influx of completely new information. As humans processing all these changes at once is quite traumatizing. This causes anger in us resulting in revolt at simple requests such as getting a course requirement signed. In retrospect anything demanded from a student on New Life should be short and pleasant as not to further upset them. I happen to have a teacher, we'll call him John, who does not appreciate this fact. Now John is in the army reserves and even though he will never fight in any war, EVER he still believes he is a legitimate officer of the Canadian Armed Forces. He has decided to share the skills he has acquired with us through the teaching of self-discipline. The particular form of self-discipline can only be referred to as water torture. Today John announced to us that we would be restricted to using facilities three times within the next five months. Now this brought a discourse through the room that not even he could have expected. The room rang with cries of "injustice" "I can't hold it that long" "what if I get a bladder infection" and my personal favorite "What if I'm Menstruating". Being a class of all girls this was a concern brought up in multitudes. John explained to us holding our bladders for eighty minutes a day would develop character and self-discipline we would otherwise never have had. Then a comment came up that brought the discussion to a new level "We live in a first world country, we should be able to pee when we gotta pee" at first this comment would seem like a lame excuse, but on closer examination it is the truth. In a first world country, no matter who we are we have the right to pee when we need to, where we need to. Even in our prisons the right to pee freely is not disputed, we have a god given right to comfortably expel our waste whenever necessary. Even in the Geneva convention, it is stated that the preventing of a person to expel waste by another is a form of torture. No where in the first world will you ever be denied your inalienable right to pee freely. So why must we suffer at the hands of a power-crazed pseudo military officer? Self-discipline at the expense of my human right? I THINK NOT!! I WILL PROUDLY SAY I PEE FREELY, and no one can robe me of that.

New

Are your words so true

The ones I read are you?

Your words speak to me

Worlds a new they let me see

Almost trancelike, puts me in a different place

Of my old self there is only a trace

As words cover me feelings so surreal

A place anew floating in indulgence so real

Now must I search for more

Of the person who to me opened a door

I have a new need, a yearning

That now keeps me at night tossing and turning

I must know everything about you

What makes you tick what you like to do

Little things big things anything that captures the essence

Maybe I’ll know why I quiver at your presence

Let me know you are the one

at who's word's my revolution begun

Let me know I can one day reach

The source of your insightful speech

Let me know it can be possible one day

That I will be skilled enough  to say

the words that inspire and break ties

The words that make people realize

Emerald skies

splashed with a mass of clouds

skies of emerald

clear as water with no crowds

alas navy encroaches 

in the east night approaches

to cover the beauty of a moment

that brought happiness with no relent

realization good things come only in instants

but still your contentment has no recants

so now enjoy it blissfully

before night has covered fully

live on the hope you'll one day meet

an emerald sky just as sweet

Sympathy

don't know why that which lies underneath does

array of feelings, deep enough to be unseen

but still felt with fierce intensity 

can't learn from mistakes

bleak world filled with apathy

but put upon you is everything

everything they don't feel

so your feelings go unnoticed

anger never seen by society

sadness smothered by unfeeling

no understanding for emotion

there are moments when the disinterest wavers

feelings escaping the constant guard which they're under

but they never go as deep as yours

not ever as severe

not ever as exposed

others cry tears ,but your steady stream never seams to stop

others are afraid,but your fear engulfs your entire being

others feel pain,but the piercing agony within you ends all else

but the world causes you to hide your emotions

once again suffocated by the indifference that surrounds you

then you see a slight glimmer a slither if you will

of hope,

of new faith,

as your feelings escape and reach another place in keen realization that you are not  solitary 

as your soul kindles with another, one that feels as you , one that can understand 

now reaching a place almost contempt when you can release all that lays inside.

Hush

that's what they  said

no more of this talk now

you must show respect don't                                    question....     

                  

is it a sin to ask

am i really not meant to know

what is the harm in                                                  knowing....   

                         

Once again i am stifled

voice never to be heard

feel like ive been tied and                                         gagged....    

                   

A fate worse than death            

to live imprisoned in silence

a lonley inmate of                                                   circumstance....